


I Don't Love You

by AlexanderSpeedwagon



Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: Alina being Alina, Drama, F/F, Gen, Love Triangle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25420780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexanderSpeedwagon/pseuds/AlexanderSpeedwagon
Summary: Alina grapples with her feelings towards a rather beautiful minion and a rather annoying kouhai. Attached to both for each their own reasons, Alina comes to realize that her heart of stone isn't all that solid after all.
Relationships: Azusa Mifuyu/Alina Gray/Misono Karin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	I Don't Love You

“Mifuyu?”  
“Yes?”  
“Raise your arm just a little more.”  
“Alright.”

It had been pretty easy for Alina Gray to convince her underling to pose for a portrait. Physically, there was nobody else that Alina admired more in the world than Mifuyu. The white-haired woman had it made. Perfect form, outstanding proportions, a smile that could knock you off of your feet… Alina had almost lost her composure at one of those on more than a few occasions, but she would never admit it. A physical attraction to another person never really meant much of anything to the green-haired Magius. So what? Mifuyu’s physical beauty was unparalleled. Alina could admire that at face value. It wasn’t like they had that kind of relationship or anything. More than once Alina had considered broaching the topic, but had ultimately decided against it. Purity was a huge part of beauty, and if Alina took that from her, she was deathly afraid that she’d lose the essence of what made her beautiful in the first place.

“How’s this?” Mifuyu asked in that same caring voice she always seemed to have about her. Currently, she was laying sideways on a maroon couch, one arm raised above her head, the other supporting her chin as she faced Alina’s easel. Unlike Alina- who was dressed in her school uniform after coming to her personal Veranda a la Kyubey after classes- Mifuyu wore a set of satin robes that a Roman Senator’s wife would have been typically seen in. Though Rome was long gone, Alina hoped to capture some of its beauty today. An oriental subject painted in a very Western fashion was interesting to her, though… she knew that she’d inevitably take some creative liberties with that all-too-picturesque look.  
“Molto bene, grazie.” Alina said. She wasn’t Italian, but the language had always struck her as particularly beautiful. Beautiful enough to learn it. At least, enough to say a few phrases that her Japanese acquaintances- for she struggled to call any save for Karin a friend- could understand.

“How’s it looking?” Mifuyu asked a moment after. The bunch of grapes that she was holding over her head were plastic, though they’d look just as real as the rest of her in the painting.  
“It has you in it, obviously it’s impeccable.” Alina said, causing Mifuyu’s cheeks to turn red.  
“Thank you.”  
“As is anything I create.” Alina said, as if to negate any positive energy emitted from her previous comment. Mifuyu frowned a bit, but still appreciated her initial words.  
“Must you be so boastful?” Mifuyu asked.  
“Must you intrigue me so?” Alina shot back quickly. She groaned, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. A bit of red paint from her thumb left the pale skin there stained, but the feeling was nothing new.  
“Should I apologize for you finding me attractive?”   
“No. You should apologize for being so uppity.”  
“Then I apologize, Alina. I meant no disrespect.”

Alina stared at Mifuyu for a long time, for what felt like an eternity, really, until she felt her cheeks flush red. She looked down, already cursing herself for showing such weakness.  
“Porca miseria...” She muttered to herself. When she picked her head up, Mifuyu saw the slight discoloration in her skin, but chose not to comment on it.  
“Is something the matter?” She asked instead.  
“I’m a genius. Why is it that a single woman is stopping me from focusing so much?” Alina asked, annoyance growing in her voice- though Mifuyu could only barely tell that there wasn’t any malice in it.  
“We can take a break if you need to.” Mifuyu said, to which Alina only stared at her longer.

But said nothing, keeping still, that flushness in her cheeks still present. Once more cursing under her breath with those foreign words.  
“Sit up.” Alina said. Mifuyu nodded and obeyed. The plastic bunch of grapes was gently set on the arm of the couch next to her head, and the elder of the two girls adjusted her robes, standing up gracefully only to sit back down. Alina, meanwhile, tossed her brush haphazardly into the cup of brown water beside her, her palette slid onto a table beside her, knocking over a bottle of paint or two. If she was lucky, none of it would spill, but the artist couldn’t be bothered to care at the moment. She walked forward, hands clenched into fists, and sat down on the couch opposite Mifuyu, leaning to rest her jaw on her knuckles.  
“I’m sorry, Alina.” Mifuyu said, turning her head to gaze at her superior with well-meaning pity.  
“Don’t be.” Alina said back. “It’s not your fault you’re so beautiful.”  
“Is my body all that I’m here for?”  
“Yes. Why settle for anybody but the most beautiful of subjects to paint?”  
“If you need to talk about anything, please don’t be afraid to.” Mifuyu said, sliding close enough to Alina to place a hand gently on her shoulder. When Alina looked up, she’d see the other smiling down at her from her hunched over, grumpy position.

“I don’t like the implication that you’re here for reasons other than your beauty.”  
“You’ve said beauty a lot today, Alina. That can’t be all there is to it?” Mifuyu asked, though for the first time since coming here and changing into those robes, she wasn’t sure what she wanted the answer to that question to be.  
“At the end of the day, you’re still just a Feather, Mifuyu. Don’t forget that.”  
“Look at me.”  
“What?”  
“Really look at me.” Mifuyu repeated, this time more forcefully, scooting closer again, a blush forming on her own face. “What do you see?”  
“Perfection.”  
“Other than that. Is there anything?”  
“There’s…” Alina started, but as she stared into those dark eyes of the other girl, she saw something else. Something else that terrified her. Could she even call that art anymore? 

Alina stood up, shaking Mifuyu’s hand off of her shoulder in the process, growling at nobody and nothing in particular.

“Leave. You’re relieved of Feather duties until Monday.” Alina said, walking away as quickly as she could, all but slamming open the door to her veranda, leaning over the balcony railing and pulling out her phone. Meanwhile, Mifuyu left her hand suspended in midair, trying to choke back tears that were already threatening to form. She sunk back into the sofa, burying her face in her hands, breathing deeply.

Yachan, she thought, I found something that hurts more than having to leave the one you love behind.

‘Meet me at the usual place, now.’ After finally getting some fresh air, Alina sent a frantically typed text to Karin. They were close, but for a long time the other girl annoyed the hell out of Alina. She still was an incompotent artist, but she tried… and that effort was beautiful in another way that the green haired Magical Girl just couldn’t quite put her thumb on.

Alina didn’t know why she had always liked spending time with Karin. She struggled to call the girl beautiful, or even cute. She was stupid, plain, always obsessing about her idiotic manga that drained her of any sliver of originality… and yet Alina still tolerated her existence in the club room and in her life. Just thinking about her put a small smile on her face. At least now, when she was so frustrated with Mifuyu that thinking about anything else would have given her happiness. She didn’t even know why she had gotten so angry at Mifuyu, truthfully. Okay, that was a lie. She did. Mifuyu was drawing her in in a way that she didn’t like. Alina’s attraction towards her should have been merely physical, but...

Without another word- or even checking to see if Karin had replied to her text, she would have by now, certainly- Alina transformed and leapt off the roof of her parent’s home for the second time in her life. This time, in the interval between leaving the wooden porch and making contact with the concrete below, she conjured one of her capsule cubes, crushing it in her hand to summon the Witch that lay dormant within it. This one was perfectly suited for the job. Long and slender, a wingspan that almost rivaled its length, a dark green color and a terrible shriek, this particular Witch was one of Alina’s pet projects. Feeding it was more difficult than most other Witches in her possession, which made it that much more exciting. But it hadn’t been brought into three-dimensional space to feed, but rather to transport. As it uncoiled itself and grew to its full size, Alina gripped the base of one of its wings, pulling herself up to straddle the beast. One spark of magic later and its thrashing ceased, now hellbent on travelling in a single direction: towards the park near Sakae Comprehensive School.

The ride there wasn’t exhilarating like it normally was, Alina had too much on her mind to really enjoy the trip. Her interactions with Mifuyu today were… off. Like something had changed between the two of them, and she wasn’t sure what. Furthermore, the way that she felt towards Mifuyu today had mirrored how she acted about Karin. That scared her most of all. Not because of any particular loyalty to that ditsy kouhai of hers, but because her loyalties were already spread thin enough that any further complications could stress her even more than she already was. Nemu and Touka were enough of a pain to deal with, Alina didn’t need relationship drama on top of that.

Before she knew it, she was a hundred feet above the park, but one look down told her that Karin was there. The one swingset that seemed to be reserved for that girl was rocking back and forth slowly. With a nod, Alina pushed down on the Witch’s head, and it took a quick nosedive down. Leveling out a story or two above the ground, Alina pulled out another cube to contain the beast, letting herself fall the rest of the way. Her Magical Girl body took the impact without even a sprained ankle, and when she stood up, she was almost knocked to the ground by an intense hug.

“Alina! Are you okay? Is something wrong?” It was Karin’s voice. And her body, her arms wrapped around Alina’s, clinging to her for dear life.  
“Che palle, must you be so idiotic?” Alina asked, but despite her harsh words, she felt herself give the girl a hug back. It wasn’t always like this. Karin had worn down her patience, energy, enmity, until finally she had a stubborn acceptance of the girl’s ways.  
“But nobody’s around here, we’re always alone here.” Karin said in her usual high-pitched voice, daring to place a peck on Alina’s cheek as they pulled away. Alina let the action happen, her face flushing again- though for a very different reason than with Mifuyu earlier. Karin was not beautiful, Alina wouldn’t go so far as to call her pretty, even, but there was something about her that drove the Artist to her.  
“And you’re always this annoying.” Alina said.  
“Meanie.” Karin shot back quickly. 

With the hug released, the two silently clasped one another’s hand, holding it as Alina looked about the park. It was a simple place. A two-seat swingset, a slide, and a wooden playhouse that sat suspended in midair by beams, a ladder and a rock wall leading up into it. Silently, Alina nodded towards the playhouse. It had been their little getaway ever since Alina warmed up to having Karin around like this. The other girl nodded, and followed up the ladder, sitting down next to where the elder Magical Girl had parked herself- cross legged on the ground of the playhouse, head once again resting in one hand, leaning forward. Karin wrapped an arm tentatively around her shoulder and kissed her cheek again. This time, Alina didn’t complain. Rather, she leaned her head sideways until it was resting on Karin’s shoulder. Karin offered her the same gesture, letting her temple rest on the top of Alina’s head. She smiled. These were the times with Alina that Karin truly treasured.

“Something’s bothering you.” Karin said in a concerned tone.  
“You just noticed?” Alina asked.  
“You pinch the bridge of your nose when you’re annoyed.”  
“And?”  
“You have paint on your nose.” Karin’s words had Alina sighing before she too moved to wrap an arm around Karin’s body, her hand resting on the pink-haired girl’s waist.  
“My model was acting out again.”  
“Whaddaya mean?” Karin asked.  
“She’s so caring, it’s disgusting.”  
“I care about you too, Alina.”  
“You’re also disgusting.” Alina said, to which Karin winced a little but otherwise didn’t react. She was used to that kind of thing, anyway.  
“She’s allowed to care about you, isn’t she?”  
“Not when I don’t care about her. It makes me… it makes me…” Alina said, thoughts filling her mind with images of her and Mifuyu hanging out, talking, all alone. They’re having fun in those pictures, Alina flashing that creepy smile she wore when excited, Mifuyu grinning back earnestly. It was cute, and Alina wanted that. Even moreso when she watched her mind flash a picture of her kissing the white-haired Feather on the lips. Alina wanted that, too. But she was scared.

“It makes you what?” Karin asked, breaking Alina out of her impromptu daydream.  
“How do you feel about me, really?” Alina asked back with more bile than she expected, but she didn’t take it back.  
“Well, I really, really like you, Alina. You’re so good at art, and even though you drink my milk sometimes I think you’re a really good friend. No, actually…” Karin stopped talking for a moment. Her head picked up off Alina’s shoulders, and the girl soon felt a kiss on her cheek. Karin smiled as her lips pulled away from Alina’s skin. “I love you.”  
“That… complicates things.” Alina muttered, not even bothering to respond to Karin’s confession.  
“Why?”  
“I don’t love you. I don’t even know if I like you.”  
“Meanie.” Karin said in a grumble, but she rested her head back on Alina’s shoulder anyway, and Alina let her.

“You’re annoying, you’re always going on about that idiotic manga, and you take up space in my club room.”   
“But you did read that manga once. Didn’t you like it?”   
“I didn’t. But I suppose I didn’t hate it.” Alina’s confession had Karin gasping with surprise and joy all at once. The one arm around her shoulder squeezed tighter, nearly toppling both of them over with the force at which Karin threw her other arm out to pull her into a hug. Alina gasped in surprise as she fell over onto her side, feeling the weight of the other girl on top of her. Laying on her shoulder against a hard wooden floor of what was essentially a treehouse, Alina was not comfortable.

“Get off me.” She said. Karin’s giggling paused for a moment, and when Alina opened her eyes to look up with her trademark annoyed expression, Karin’s giddy expression faded entirely.  
“Why are you so mean?”  
“I have low tolerance for stupidity. It just so happens you have lots of it.” Alina said. Karin pushed up and away from her, sitting on her ankles facing the girl, hands in her lap, pouting a bit.  
“But you wanted to hang out today. I don’t understand.” Karin said. Her pathetic sounding voice and puppy dog eyes made Alina want to vomit right there in between the two of them. But as Alina sat up, she settled for a roll of her eyes.  
“You…” She started, struggling already to find words that described how she felt about the younger artist well enough. She was never good at expressing her feeling through words. That’s what her art was for. And feelings like the ones she had towards Karin? They were even harder to convey. When her art was so filled with death and destruction and her speech and mannerisms so rough, it was hard to describe accurately just what Karin meant to Alina. “You’re an idiot, you have no artistic talent, you’re loud and obnoxious… but for some reason, I can’t stay away from you.”

It took a quick stretching out of her hand to press into Karin’s quickly advancing face to prevent another hug. There hadn’t been enough time for Alina to recover from the last one. She wasn’t ready for that just yet. Karin could see Alina’s beautiful face through the gaps her fingers allowed as it pressed into her temple, arms outstretched, flailing wildly trying and failing to grasp something solid. Alina rolled her eyes.

“Is this such an intense revelation?” Alina asked, dropping her hand away from Karin’s face as the frantic rush had subsided. The two of them were left sitting on the floor of the playset, looking at one another.   
“I just love you and stuff, so it’s nice to hear, is all.” Karin said, giggling nervously and poking her fingers together.  
“And if not for my forcefield, we’d- never mind.” Alina started, but she cut her off, not wanting to reveal a grim truth that she had purposefully been hiding from the pink-haired girl all this time.  
“We’d what?” Karin asked.  
“Ridicola woman.” Alina said. “If I said never mind, then don’t push it.”  
“Sorry.” Was Karin’s quick response, scooting a little closer. She reached out to grab at Alina’s hand, and when she was met with no resistance, scooted even closer to her, interlocking their fingers, pressing their palms together. “I do love you, Alina.”  
“I…” Alina said, not able to look Karin in the face at the moment. She didn’t love her, but right now, telling her that wasn’t something she wanted to do. So she just sat there, staring out the hole in the playset that led into the rest of the park.  
“It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything. When you’re ready, you can say whatever you need to, alright?” Karin asked, smiling at Alina widely.

Was it really that difficult? It wasn’t Alina’s style to lie about anything, even if it would be for Karin’s benefit. Though it seemed Karin was so happy to just be there with her that what would have been a blow to most other girl’s egos was a drop in the bucket to her.  
“Idiota.” Was all she said back.

\--

“So let me get this straight…” Mifuyu said. Contrary to what she had been told earlier that day, she found herself once more in Alina’s veranda. The apartment Touka provided her as part of her involvement in the Wings of the Magius had proved insufficient for a meeting, so Alina brought her back here via her labyrinths. Though the woman had long since been changed out of her Roman robes, she was still as beautiful as ever. Maroon tank top, light, frilly skirt, sandals… the very definition of beauty, even when she wasn’t trying to be. Dammit. “So you like Karin, and Karin said she loves you, but you don’t want to commit to her because of me?”  
“Not because of you.” Alina said. She had been stewing over this very issue for the last several hours, but hadn’t come to any particular conclusion. Pacing back and forth, flying through the skies of Kamihama riding atop a two month old Witch, painting furiously, nothing had given her mind rest. Nothing except being in Mifuyu’s presence. Though being in Karin’s presence had done much of the same, in a different way. It was no easy thing, having admitted this to the woman who was causing all of her problems, but she was just so caring, like having someone to watch over you no matter what.

“But because of my body?” Mifuyu asked.  
“Precisely.”  
“Then what would help you put your mind at ease?”  
“Become less beautiful, obviously.”  
“I can’t do that so easily, Alina. I don’t know what it is about me you’re so attracted to.”  
“Then are you attracted to me?” Alina asked, stopping her pacing to stare at Mifuyu- who had once again taken up residence on the couch.  
“Do you want me to be honest?”  
“Che palle, Mifuyu, are you or are you not?” Alina said, wanting to glare at her but not finding the heart to. When she looked up at Mifuyu, she saw Karin’s smile beaming down at her, though she wasn’t sure why.  
“I am.” Mifuyu said, standing up to place a hand on Alina’s shoulder, gripping it tightly. “I care about you. You’re only hurting yourself by doing all of this.”  
“All this worrying is your fault and hers.” Alina came back with quickly. Truth be told, she was beaming on the inside, positively delighted to have heard those words. But things just got a lot more complicated for her. What about Karin? What about her? What was Alina going to do? She couldn’t rightly keep the same relationship she had with both women, could she?  
“You need to be honest with yourself. I care about you, about Touka and Nemu, about the twins, about all this.” Mifuyu said. She stood up and took a step closer to Alina, who turned to fully face her, arms crossed.  
“What would you have me do?” Alina asked as Mifuyu put a hand on her shoulder. Unlike with Karin, she didn’t try to shake it off.

“Be happy. That is all.” Mifuyu said. Alina sighed.  
“I nearly killed myself once, and I plan on killing countless others now. When I’m happy I leave death and destruction in my wake. Can you support that?” Alina asked. When Mifuyu didn’t answer immediately- but instead wore a forlorn expression, the light in her eyes fading, Alina continued. “It’s not something that I expect you to understand.”

Mifuyu shook her head, but still kept her ground.  
“You’re right. I don’t understand it. Liberation isn’t something that we can throw away civilian lives en masse for.”  
“Then why are you here?” Alina asked. It wasn’t like she was suspicious of Mifuyu’s motives, the older woman had always had that kind of reservation. She was too morally upright for her own good, to be able to be fully invested in this place. But Alina was captivated by her, so she was allowed to stay, reservations and all.  
“I have to save her…” Mifuyu muttered, looking down and dropping her hand form ALina’s shoulder.  
“Her?” Alina asked, her voice rising and temper flaring again. “Who’s ‘her?’”  
“Nobody. Forget I mentioned it.” Mifuyu said.

After all that, there was someone else, was there? Alina’s day had been a roller coaster of emotion already and clearly it wasn’t at its end just yet. She pushed Mifuyu’s hand off her shoulder, not sure whether she wanted to kiss her, storm out of the window again, or some odd combination of both. The pain in her chest could only be described as jealousy, but of who? Who was Mifuyu’s mystery lover?

Alina didn’t have to ask that question aloud. She knew who it was.

“It’s Nanami, isn’t it?” Alina asked, her voice dropping far more than she was comfortable with.  
“I’m sorry, Alina. This is complicated.” Mifuyu said back as though to confirm the suspicion.  
“Complicated only begins to describe it. Why her?” Alina said, her glare coming back in a feeble form after the mere thought of the blue-haired Magical Girl made her blood boil. She wanted to be angry. Nanami had taken so much from her. More than a few Witches, an Uwasa or two… Mifuyu… which was the biggest prize of all.  
“She was my first love, Alina. It’s hard to forget someone like that.” Mifuyu said, hoping the calm tones of her voice would settle down the other girl. It only sort of worked.  
“Did she keep your purity intact?” Alina asked, causing Mifuyu to blush.  
“What kind of a question is that?” She asked back defensively.  
“Answer the question.”

A long moment of silence, but Alina wasn’t going to push any more than that. As much as she wanted to know, as dire of a need it was, she was fighting every fiber of her being to just stand there silently, letting Mifuyu mull it over. At last, she spoke.

“She did.” And Alina didn’t say anything for a long moment, either. They just stood there in the middle of the veranda kept alive by artificial light, the moon long since having risen over the Kamihama night sky. Karin was probably out there tricking and treating…  
“I can respect her for that, at least.” Were the words Alina finally gave Mifuyu. She could hear a sigh of relief from her, as though Alina’s response had given her a respite from some sort of anxiety she had build up inside herself.  
“Alina… do you care for me at all? If I was less… beautiful, would you show me the same kindnesses I’ve been given?”

The question struck Alina hard. Immediately, she knew the answer, but she didn’t have the heart to tell her. Before she could even think about her options, Mifuyu muttered to herself again.

“I thought as much.”  
“Mifuyu-” Alina said, stretching a hand out towards her.  
“Enough. I still love Yachiyo, but part of me loves you, too, Alina. But it’s too much, to love someone only to be lusted after by them.”

Alina watched as Mifuyu sat down on the middle of the sofa, fidgeting with the ring on her left hand, looking away. She didn’t know what to say, she didn’t know how to take all this information. So letting her body decide for her, Alina strode forward as bravely as she could, clasping Mifuyu’s shoulders with both hands, she leaned down to place her lips on hers for a very, very brief kiss. 

“You’re a treasure to all humankind, your body too precious a temple to allow me to even think about letting her near it.” Alina said, standing up and moving to sit down on the sofa next to her.   
“I shouldn’t be doing this.” Mifuyu muttered to herself, but speaking up after those few words. “Alina, I admire you so much. What you’re willing to do to achieve your dreams is something that I can only ever dream about myself. This is probably an awful idea, but…”

Instead of finishing the thought verbally, Mifuyu slowly reached out with a trembling hand to grab a hold of Alina’s, bringing it up to her lips, kissing her knuckles. Alina blushed heavily, her own eyes averted, chest tightening up again, hand trembling in tune with Mifuyu’s.

“I don’t love you.” Alina said quickly. “I’m not capable of it.”  
“Love, lust, platonic care, whatever you’re capable of… it’s selfish and stupid of me, but I want it.”  
“I won’t be a replacement for Nanami.”  
“I’m not asking you to be.”  
“I can’t promise your safety.”  
“I’m already old for a Magical Girl, I’ve accepted that.”  
“Then why me?” Alina asked.  
“Misery loves company, I guess.” Mifuyu said with a bit of a sad chuckle.

She was right, though. Alina was miserable, in a way. No friends, a useless art display that was mediocre in her eyes, a pair of brats that weren’t even particularly useful to her in the long run… and all she had to show for it was a veranda and plans to kill half of Kamihama.

And Mifuyu didn’t even know about Karin. 

Even if Mifuyu was just reacting to Alina’s appreciation of her physical appearance, Alina didn’t care. Even if Karin was just acting lovey dovey towards her because she looked up to her, Alina didn’t mind. Between those two…

Maybe love wasn’t impossible...

**Author's Note:**

> Phew, definitely something different compared to what I've normally posted here! Magia Record has been a passion of mine for basically the game's entire lifespan- as far as the English server goes, anyway- and I knew I had wanted to write something in the universe at some point. This is much more tame than my other ongoing story, but I needed a break from that. So something a little more wholesome, though definitely a little darker than the general mood of TMW. Everything doesn't end in peaches and rainbows, but that's the point of Madoka Magica, anyway.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think! I'm definitely tempted to write more in this fandom! Hazuki/Nanaka has been calling my name for a while, as have a few other ships.


End file.
